Creative commentary plus crafty composition

Posts tagged ‘Humour’

TOP 10 Alternative Election Signs

Canada’s federal election is one month from today, with outdoor signs less meaningful given the fluid immediacy of social media – leaving opportunity for a different kind of messaging…

  • If you don’t vote for us, we’ll tell your neighbours how old you are
  • Vote for Ivan, only his temper is terrible (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

Clichés Upgraded – Part XLI

It’s the last official week of summer, so here’s to enjoying it with more enriched clichés (with the originals in italics):

  • I know they like to personify their gun collection, but having a shotgun wedding is too much
  • After the intimidating speaker moved the listeners to silence the crowd relaxed with the sound of the lunch bell
  • As an animal imitator he goes the whole hog from being healthy as a horse to acting sick as a dog
  • I know letter writing skills aren’t what they once were but it shouldn’t be hard to keep the right order of signed, sealed, and delivered (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Nebulous Birthday Presents

Because as we get older it’s harder and harder to know what to want or to give…

  • A $25 gift certificate toward the purchase of a car
  • The Quicklook Dictionary of Multisyllabic Word Synonyms
  • A blow torch which only works while you blow on it (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Ways to Use Humour in Speeches

The use of humour is one of the most effective tools a speaker can use to humanize or change the flavour of a message – within reason…

  • Arrange for squishy pads to be spread all over the floor so audience members will feel funny when they enter the room
  • Use anecdotes from daily life, cut and shaved to leave the ‘slipping on a banana peel’ parts
  • Toss out puzzle pieces of cut up paper money and watch as audience members try to piece them together before realizing they’re counterfeit (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Labour Day Activities

The range of what people might be doing on Labour Day varies considerably…

  • Dust off the gym card and join the legions of sporadic exercisers
  • Rest up and psych up for pending labour intensive schoolwork assistance with children
  • Discover new couch potato positions for watching sports (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

Clichés Upgraded – Part XL

It’s the transitional Labour Day weekend, so here’s celebrating with more enriched clichés (with the originals in italics):

  • For a problem lasting as long as the seven year itch you have to cope with trying lots of medication
  • Shoot the breeze if you’re such a hot-to-trot firearms expert
  • Shoot yourself in the foot of the impressive gorge for a picturesque backdrop (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Unasked Questions of Winners’ Families

Yet again this morning a TV host asked the classically prosaic, reaction question of a gold medal winner’s family, namely “How did you feel?”  In such situations, the opportunity to ask more probing, insightful questions is missed, such as…

  • Did he have a shower this morning before the competition?
  • Did she start her long jump career by leaping over her cousins? (more…)

Category:

Humour, Social & political humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Simplest Election Promise Solutions

With the Canadian election campaign creeping on toward October 17th…

  • Balance the books, by placing them on the heads of the campaign workers with the most hair, or
  • Balance the books, via resting them on the incoming government party’s platform, since these otherwise unoccupied by firm commitments
  • Increase day care spaces, by putting more chairs and water bottles in each facility (more…)

Category:

Humour, Social & political humour

Tagged with:

Clichés Upgraded – Part XXXIX

Still summertime, still more enlivened clichés (with the originals in italics):

  • If you take the time to run circles around the instruction changes, no one will miss seeing them
  • After all, I had three, so now the shoe is on the other foot
  • Their pitcher had to serve up a lollipop because his team ran out of baseballs (more…)

Category:

Humour

Tagged with:

TOP 10 Bizarre City By-Laws & Policies

The City of Ottawa has followed again this summer a policy of closing beaches well before the end of August, when it not only normally remains quite warm, but also as this year when it can be steamy hot; what other policy gems are there?

  • If you find paper money on the street, it must be thrown in the nearest garbage can for health reasons
  • Remember that parking on downtown streets is a privilege, regardless of merchants’ dependency for customers, so any restrictions or charges are fair
  • When the mayor shows up for a photo-op, it means there is highly important city business (more…)

Category:

Humour, Social & political humour

Tagged with: