the watch of time

TOP 10 New Year’s Resolutions for 2018

It may be a new year, but there’s still baggage on the horizon…

1. Lose weight by trimming your bling or dysfunctional cosmetic implants, whichever is heavier
2. Get brochures or postcards of travel destinations you would have gone to if they were more affordable
3. Set up a dart board with images of individuals or businesses which would benefit from getting the point
4. Post a list of resolutions in declining font size and brightness so the later ones can be overlooked more easily
5. Use a business card with a chip which allows for it to be remotely dissolved if the cardholder proves unworthy
6. Invent a new species and become its trusted advisor in bilateral negotiations
7. Memorize the first and last lines of book chapters so you sound like you are well read
8. Develop a new social networking site which functions strictly to vote and comment on other social networking sites
9. Eliminate any references to ‘trumped-up’, since that expression now has an inescapably deflating political connection
10. Take back-to-back courses on empathy and callousness, then have a point-counterpoint debate with yourself

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