the watch of time

Clichés Upgraded – Part XLIX

The new year and its incumbent weather is upon us, so time to escape with updated clichés (with originals in italics):

• Sure, you got taken for a ride, but it could have been for money
• Now that we have to pay the entry fee by weight, the machine is taking its toll on you
• This landscapes board game is so possession focused, it has a card allowing you to take the scenic route (more…)

Humourous Analogies

Expressing a message in humourous analogies, observations, proverbs, etc. combines clever use of language with making an observational point.  They can also draw attention to foibles in language itself.

Here are some examples, from The Light Touch by Malcolm Kushner:

–  Inflation is the process of living in a more expensive neighbourhood without moving

 –  An audience is the only group of people who get tired after they sit down (more…)

Clichés Upgraded – Part XLVIII

Time to celebrate the end of the year, and be ‘taken’ by more updated clichés (with originals in italics):

• If your walkway needs more lift, take a step back from the stack in the garage and add it in front
• Once you take care of your knitting a new yarn to tell the public, maybe they’ll give you some slack
• Don’t let her have the satisfaction of taking it to the limit of your patience (more…)

TOP 10 Snowless Winter Sports

Adaptation, even with recreational activities, is a key life survival skill…

–   Cross-country frozen field team pursuit

–   Synchronized over skis jumping

–   Leftover Christmas wrapping paper bowling

–   Black ice driving time trials (more…)

TOP 10 Modern Ethereal Mysteries

There is still so much we don’t know…

• Why is the wind against you no matter what direction you are biking?
• Who is prepared to prove no two snowflakes are the same?
• Isn’t it time for artificial sweeteners to start helping the medicine go down? (more…)

Clichés Upgraded – Part XLVII

We’re well into December, the grass is still green (not white), so time to sit back and enjoy more updated clichés (with originals in italics):

• You can call it a sweetheart deal when the love of your life is a cheap date
• Due to the giant detergent spill in the bay we were forced to swim against the Tide (more…)

TOP 10 Little Known or Appreciated Hobbies

With less outdoor activities in the winter, more time for hobbies…

• Painting on canvas using only invisible colours
• Collecting counterfeit money
• Collecting spoiled beverages
• Secretly substituting expensive car parts with exact duplicates (more…)

Clichés Upgraded – Part XLVI

It’s the end of November, with new shopping clichés like ‘Black Friday’ and ‘Cyber Monday’ upon us, so time to battle back with more updated clichés (with originals in italics):

• Stop the presses and switch your routine to some stretching exercises  
• If you hold your stick out like a sore thumb perhaps a sympathetic young dolphin will jump over it (more…)