the watch of time

It’s the end of November, with new shopping clichés like ‘Black Friday’ and ‘Cyber Monday’ upon us, so time to battle back with more updated clichés (with originals in italics):

• Stop the presses and switch your routine to some stretching exercises  
• If you hold your stick out like a sore thumb perhaps a sympathetic young dolphin will jump over it
• My new winter tires are so great at finding change on the road they can stop on a dime
• It’s tough to stretch a dollar in Canada since it’s only available as a coin
• Keep a stuffed shirt handy as last resort in case we run out of turkey
• Sweep it under the rug if you want to practice curling indoors without anyone seeing if you score
• Since they’re coloured popcorn we can string them along the Christmas tree to replace the lights that aren’t working
• That ritzy men’s clothing store contest is finally coming down to survival of the fittest  
• If you can keep the glowing ink pattern from dissolving while you sweat the details will remain visible in the dark
• We can definitely sweeten the pot by basting wet sugar around the edge