the watch of time

For those of us who live in cold & snowy climes…

• Paint the snow green
• Pretend the wind really is whistling Dixie
• Plant snowballs and enjoy them not growing Read the rest of this entry »

In celebration of the year-end frenzy…

• All items 50 – 75% off except those with white, yellow, orange, pink, red, blue, green, purple, brown, or black stickers
• Take 80% off all out-of-stock & deleted items Read the rest of this entry »

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

• Sandwiches for Santa should be on rye bread because this is as close as he can get to liquor on his most important delivery day
• In lieu of chimneys, Santa prefers a red silk chute through a side window
• If children arise prior to 6:00 am, parents can withdraw one gift for every twenty minutes they attempt to get the household up earlier Read the rest of this entry »

This makes a dozen batches of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• Hop, skip, and a jump: Name the three phases of dancing through dog droppings
• Your overcoat seems to be wearing out, so if the shoe fits, wear it Read the rest of this entry »

That time again, another batch of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• New research has shown that being as happy as a clam is really a shell game
• The cook left her baking on the cold window sill, accidentally creating icing on the cake Read the rest of this entry »

                       If I didn’t love the material, I would have taken a job

as a piece of cardboard in a wino’s shoe instead of an album jacket…                                                                                                                                                          I know a person with your sense of the bizarre must have lots to do. But, Read the rest of this entry »