the watch of time

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

• Sandwiches for Santa should be on rye bread because this is as close as he can get to liquor on his most important delivery day
• In lieu of chimneys, Santa prefers a red silk chute through a side window
• If children arise prior to 6:00 am, parents can withdraw one gift for every twenty minutes they attempt to get the household up earlier
• Stockings hung perfectly straight with coloured clothes pegs are likely to receive bonus stuffers
• Pets adopted at Christmas are twice as likely to want seconds at mealtime
• Streaming the same holiday movies more than six times encourages email spammers to give up
• Adding castor oil to holiday punch insures it will not run out too quickly
• Declaring to visiting family that ‘soup’s on’ encourages joke telling
• Putting red or green filters on car windows puts police officers in a better mood when they pull you over
• Finding two snowflakes alike during the holidays means you should read more