the watch of time

In celebration of the year-end frenzy…

• All items 50 – 75% off except those with white, yellow, orange, pink, red, blue, green, purple, brown, or black stickers
• Take 80% off all out-of-stock & deleted items
• No payments, no taxes for two years if you take a blood oath
• First 100 customers get a piece of the red carpet plus a piece of pie
• Additional 15% discount for customers in ‘Eight items or less’ line who actually have less than eight items
• 25% discount for those apologizing for not buying before Christmas
• We’re waiving the charge for bags and no charge for second helpings of tissues
• Big discounts & no taxes for last fifteen minutes before closing time (our staff won’t mind staying later)
• Kiss a frog = 15% off / Adopt a frog = 20% off
• Have your free colour picture taken with an aspiring local screenwriter or novelist