Creative commentary plus crafty composition

In celebration of the year-end frenzy…

  • All items 50 – 75% off except those with white, yellow, orange, pink, red, blue, green, purple, brown, or black stickers
  • Take 80% off all out-of-stock & deleted items
  • No payments, no taxes for two years if you take a blood oath
  • First 100 customers get a piece of the red carpet plus a piece of pie
  • Additional 15% discount for customers in ‘Eight items or less’ line who actually have less than eight items
  • 25% discount for those apologizing for not buying before Christmas
  • We’re waiving the charge for bags and no charge for second helpings of tissues
  • Big discounts & no taxes for last fifteen minutes before closing time (our staff won’t mind staying later)
  • Kiss a frog = 15% off / Adopt a frog = 20% off
  • Have your free colour picture taken with an aspiring local screenwriter or novelist

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