the watch of time

Clichés Upgraded – Part XIII

Happy New Year – a new batch of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• If your watch stops working, we’ll rush into the field and depend on just a cotton pickin’ minute
• Look, That is on trial, I’m in charge here, so I’ll be the judge of That
• The winner of our mid-winter survival contest will be in the hot seat of a new car at 5:00 pm tomorrow (more…)

TOP 10 New Year’s Resolutions

‘Out-of-the-box’ Goals to aim for in 2015:

• Lose weight by trimming your bling
• Organize your files in non-alphabetical order for a greater challenge
• Add ethereal, esoteric accreditations on your business card (more…)

Memorable Quote # 17

Remember me, remember me

When I have gone away

Remember that I lived and died

As you will too, some day (more…)

TOP 10 ‘Coping with Winter’ Activities:

For those of us who live in cold & snowy climes…

• Paint the snow green
• Pretend the wind really is whistling Dixie
• Plant snowballs and enjoy them not growing (more…)

TOP 10 ‘Boxing Day’ Promotions

In celebration of the year-end frenzy…

• All items 50 – 75% off except those with white, yellow, orange, pink, red, blue, green, purple, brown, or black stickers
• Take 80% off all out-of-stock & deleted items (more…)

TOP 10 Little Known Holiday Traditions & Caveats

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

• Sandwiches for Santa should be on rye bread because this is as close as he can get to liquor on his most important delivery day
• In lieu of chimneys, Santa prefers a red silk chute through a side window
• If children arise prior to 6:00 am, parents can withdraw one gift for every twenty minutes they attempt to get the household up earlier (more…)

Clichés Upgraded – Part XII

This makes a dozen batches of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• Hop, skip, and a jump: Name the three phases of dancing through dog droppings
• Your overcoat seems to be wearing out, so if the shoe fits, wear it (more…)