the watch of time

With both the Canadian and Ontario governments releasing budgets this past week, it’s interesting to scrutinize some proposed measures which seem to have slipped by initial reporting…

• Potholes in roads outside municipal jurisdiction will be eligible for naming rights once they are filled in
• Visitors to the respective Parliament buildings will be permitted to claim a recycling credit for any loose garbage or flyers they pick up and take away
• Voting on suggested themes for $9 and $19 circulation coins will commence later this year
• Any complete four-leaf clovers found should be donated to the nearest treasury or revenue office, as these departments need all the luck they can get
• Northern travel within the country will entitle the higher taxpayer to once-per-trip credits for footwear and clothing, if made in Canada
• Adopting as a pet a national animal symbol such as a beaver or a caribou, will be supported by a federal pet food subsidy (only applies outside urban borders)
• Every phone call or email to a provincial government minister’s office of a complimentary nature will put the contact’s name in a monthly draw for bronze-plated lawn signs
• Expansion of the province’s retail liquor distribution network will rise in accordance with increasingly disappointing budget deficits
• Money for infrastructure spending will be deemed to include the décor for committee meeting rooms
• The LOVE (Low Occupancy Vehicle Expectation) program will be introduced for Ontario rural roads, with barter incentives for driving within 10 kph of the posted limit
• A recycled educational materials initiative will reintroduce previously purchased text materials from recent decades, with the seller responsible for highlighting outdated information
• Service fees will be implemented for taking pictures with national monuments or buildings; this will begin as an honour system, with cash drop-off boxes and a dedicated website