the watch of time

As we launch into the new year it’s enlightening to reflect on recent historical perspective.

When Jay Leno was host of the Tonight Show, one of his regular features, usually on Monday evenings, was ‘Headlines’. During this segment, he would display a range of actual newspaper headlines, as well as ads or other similar excerpts, whose framing provided for wry, humourous response; there might be double entendres, blatantly ironic misspells, sloppy or dumb visual images, etc.

As illustrated in Part One, the ‘Headlines’ of these recent years past still serve today as eyebrow raising samples of human expression and idiosyncrasies. So here are more, from 1999/2000…

• “Bowling: ‘It’s not the glamour people think’” (headline)
• Ad for dehydrated water: stores indefinitely; mix contents with 32 oz. of cold water and chill for 10 minutes
• “If the detectors hadn’t worked, we probably would have woken up dead” (quote)
• “Police car crashes into doughnut delivery van” (headline)
• Ad for weight loss clinic: Lose 5 – 7 lbs. in a week / pizza will be served
• Mules: gentle / all sizes / some been to Colorado (ad)
• Honeymooners paradise: room sleeps six (ad)
• “Beans after beans could backfire” (headline)
• Free massage offered by attractive masseuse / with purchase of soft drink (ad)
• Wanted: $2,000 car for about $500 (ad)
• “Fresno council to talk about talking less at meetings” (headline)
• Spanish tooter needed (ad)

Yes, truly, ‘It takes all kinds’.