the watch of time

This morning we found ourselves temporarily trapped behind a driver parked illegally in front of the train station entrance, who wanted us to shift dangerously past him so he wouldn’t have to move…

• When waiting to complete a retail transaction because the clerk turns to some other activity, take out your pen and give yourself a negligence discount
• If stuck in a lineup because the too few service counters are operating at a snail pace, broadcast a live news flash for local media
• Have waiting passengers hold a meeting in front of a private vehicle blocking the transit entrance
• While navigating through phone options when contacting a service provider, set up your own mumbled menu for when someone finally gets on the line
• Deal with a cashier who argues about your packaging instruction by grabbing the items and bags, going to a nearby counter, and packing them yourself while singing her name (badge I.D.)
• When a boorish neighbour allows his garbage to fester unbagged, tape samples on his front steps
• If with a group of acquaintances and one exhibits selfish, self-indulgent behaviour, use some floor candles to trap her in a pentagram
• When encountering someone making little or no effort to control their dog, toss an old piece of meat for the dog to hunt in a nearby bush or pack of dirt
• If on an interview show competing with shouters and interrupters for air time, wave a white flag which emits fog horn sounds
• When falsely accused of something by a person who talks first and thinks later, take out a giant finger coated with itching powder and drag it across their nose