the watch of time

After all, good social manners go with good food and good drink…

• Invitations for luncheons or cocktail parties should be sent out a couple of weeks in advance, but potential party crashers can be emailed the day before
• If you visit the buffet more than three times, select different colour items and declare you’re doing a rainbow food study
• Concerning napkins, fold them in the shapes of hearts on your lap so people will think you’re sensitive
• When sitting down with your food at a buffet event, never begin sneaking from others’ plates until there’s at least three people at the table who could be blamed
• Safe topics are rarely as much fun to discuss as controversial or personal ones, but try to wait until desert before getting into the latter
• Remember that networking is important, but don’t turn on a TV show until desert
• Since women tend to prefer innocuous opening lines and men prefer more direct approaches, don’t mix up your tip cards
• Listen to Simon & Garfunkel before the event so you’ll be comfortable with occasional sounds of silence
• If engaging in business talk, use soft terms when describing how your predatory actions are taking over someone else’s company
• When dealing with criticism, avoid arguing, and keep looking at the nearest washroom until they get the message