Creative commentary plus crafty composition

It seems that the continuing infiltration of technology and legal engagement into our affairs has made its impact on consumer agreements, such as memberships. The way things are going, perhaps the following will come to reflect a more tangential wording of future contract stipulations and terms…

  • Providing a DNA sample without coercion will earn a 10% perpetual discount on services
  • The party of the first part shall not take undue advantage of parties held by the second part
  • Pictures taken for photo I.D.s will be made available in wallet, frame, and social media posting sizes
  • Members agree to pay for any fees resulting from actual or deemed internal or external overt or screened lavish or modest direct or implied applicable transactions
  • Pets can be brought to our animal day care facility, however, be aware that pets are grouped by size and not by species
  • Within 30 days of an automatically renewed membership, you will receive a thank you email
  • Pre-authorized payments are recommended as means of avoiding unsolicited midnight phone calls or texts
  • Members may terminate an agreement prior to expiry subject to a minimum three-hour grilling session, which includes one crouton break
  • Late charges apply to fees processed after any due dates, unless it can be legally proven that our administrative staff touched your correspondence before its due date
  • Any physical injury or severe mental distress resulting from use of our facilities entitles the affected party to attend a free lecture on safety and receive a generous gift basket, in lieu of any response attendant to liability claim

It may be time consuming, tedious effort, but it’s always a good idea to read the ever-present small print.



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