the watch of time

It’s census time. Notwithstanding a google search implying Canadians are showing ‘enthusiasm’ since its launch via mail this week leading to a huge influx of internet traffic, one suspects this is primarily for one or both of two reasons: to make sure one is not part of the 25% selected for the long version; and to get it over with. (Perhaps a follow-up email could verify this by census.) As seemingly intrusive as questions are, there remain many unexplored areas…

• What is your preferred language when you lose your temper?
• Do you have any pets living at home?  If so…  a) Do you have any talking birds? If so, how many words can you understand?  b) Do you take your pet with you shopping? If so, does it buy anything?  c) Do you take your pet travelling with you? If so, does it contribute to you travel log?  d) Do you have any pets who eat live food? If so, do you handle these meals in a humanitarian manner?
• What is your favourite shade of monochromatic colour?
• Does your residence include outdoor property? If so…  a) Estimate the number of days it rains within six hours of watering   b) How many members of your household are involved in weeding and complaining?
• Name your two favourite things about each of the four seasons
• Do you lease or own a car or truck? If so, how many times in a month does someone sit in the back seat of your vehicle?
• Do you attend movies or live events? If so…  a) How many times in one performance do you need to stretch your legs?  b)  What percentage of the time you have food or drink at your seat do you spill?
• Do you vacation each summer at a cottage adjacent to water? If so, what is your record for skipping rocks? 
• If you could be an animal or plant, what would it be and for how long?
• Do you recall your dreams? If so, how many of them involve your closest family relation or your feet?