the watch of time

Here we go, another batch of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• Did you hear about the horticultural investor who had mixed feelings about his account portfolio growing like a weed?
• He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn because of endless respect for its interior wall hangings
• She decided to give it 110%, expecting not to have to work as hard next time
• With almost all species of trees, its bark is bigger than its bite
• It’s the toughest hole on the mini-putt course, you have to look down the telephone dial and hit right between the numbers
• Holding all the cards may be emotionally satisfying, but sooner or later you have to mail them if you want appreciation
• All the ambitious guppy wanted to seek revenge was a new hook, line, and sinker
• A Charlie horse of a different colour is not likely to be less painful
• Beware the person who lies when stating I wasn’t born yesterday
• The disadvantage of having ice water in your veins is that drinking a hot toddy or coffee isn’t very warming