the watch of time

And yet again, a batch of enlivened clichés (with the original in italics):

• If we had three of them, getting off on the wrong foot wouldn’t be a big problem
• I know a show-off ballplayer who will play any position, and he’ll handle it with kid gloves
• If, on the one hand haste makes waste, then doing a slow burn really saves land fills
• Getting the stuffing beaten out of you is much more dangerous if you haven’t eaten any turkey
• You can have the last laugh just as long as you leave at least one chuckle or two grins
• His elevator doesn’t go the top floor, but it does go two floors lower than shows in the blueprint
• If it wasn’t that occasionally I beg to differ, too many people would agree with me all the time
• He never has to worry about accidentally stepping in something unpleasant because his eyes are bigger than his stomach
• Maybe no one else will give you a lift, but you can always be hoisted by your own petard
• I have no bones about that side of the attic, but there are some scattered on the other side